Lonely Christian in Church?

Divorce is an ordeal that disrupts not just the family unit but also the individual’s connection to their community, including their church. For Christian divorcees, loneliness can become a profound struggle. Too often, churches are ill-equipped to handle the nuanced challenges that those who have gone through a divorce face, particularly the deep-seated loneliness that can set in after such a life-altering event.

In a recent episode of the UnYoked Podcast, entitled ‘Living Divorced and Lonely: When Loneliness Strikes,’ these challenges were brought to light. Post-divorce loneliness doesn’t just involve being alone; it’s accompanied by a grief process that signifies the loss of a shared life and a sense of belonging. It’s like mourning the death of a family structure, compounded by the sudden realization that one’s social circle has drastically changed.

This loneliness is indeed gut-wrenching and can lead divorced individuals into dark places, causing them to make poor decisions just to fill the void. The grief is multifaceted, involving layers of farewell—farewell to family traditions, to everyday companionship, and to the married identity they once held.

Adding complexity to the situation is the fact that churches often structure their communities around families. Episode 8 ‘Your Church’s View on Divorce May Be Flawed’ underlines that a church’s emphasis on family-centric practices can inadvertently alienate and rank individual members below family units. This can be especially isolating for those who have experienced divorce and now find themselves without the family status esteemed by the church community.

The podcast’s host underscores the need for divorced singles to create genuine connections with others who have undergone similar experiences. At the same time, it’s important to be aware of signs of codependency that might emerge post-divorce. Attributes like low self-esteem, controlling behavior, and an overwhelming need for approval can manifest as one seeks to recreate the feeling of being needed or important.

What’s needed is a shift in church culture—a push towards inclusivity where those struggling with the aftermath of divorce feel seen and ministered to. The advice offered to struggling divorcees has been described as shallow and vague, and the UnYoked Podcast calls for churches to reevaluate how they approach singles ministry and crisis management.

Intentional efforts must be made to create support systems that resonate with the real, raw emotions of life after divorce. Zoom and other online platforms have shown that community can transcend traditional boundaries, and churches could harness these tools to foster connections for those who have become ‘suddenly single.’ Tools like these can foster an environment that combats the isolation and provides a refuge for those finding their footing in a new reality.

While it’s essential to acknowledge the individual’s need for community support, self-improvement is equally significant. As the podcast suggests, rediscovering personal passions and interests, establishing a nurturing routine, and prioritizing self-care are valuable steps towards healing and combating loneliness. Ultra-importance is placed on processing emotions rather than rushing into relationships to escape the pain of loneliness, as this can lead to further complications, especially for children involved.

The church has a calling to reach out and embrace lonely Christians in their most vulnerable times, including post-divorce loneliness. It’s a matter of ministry—to provide empathy, understanding, and real support to those navigating the turbulent waters of a life reshaped by divorce.

Resources for a Christian feeling Lonely in Church.

Lonely Christian Podcast.

Lonely Christian Youtube Channel

Blog Posts