We’re venturing into territories that make many church pews uncomfortable. Yes, friends, we’re talking about sex, about longing, and about the moral tapestry we’re trying to navigate post-divorce within the Christian framework.

We’re starting with a hard truth: numerous Christian singles who’ve experienced divorce are indeed having sex before remarrying. Now, this might raise eyebrows, but our goal today is not to wag fingers; it’s to understand, converse, and maybe even challenge the status quo of thought within our communities.

Marital intimacy is traditionally seen as a sacred bond consummated through the physical act of love. But what does this mean for the one who has walked through the valley of divorce? Is the idea of saving oneself for a second marital chapter realistic—or even biblically mandated? We’ll delve into these questions and the moral gray areas faced by those tying to reconcile their faith with natural human desires.

Podcast Episode Time Stamp

00:00 Exploring varied perspectives on Christian cultural influence.

04:58 Saving her from infertility, abortion debate, sexual ethics.

07:36 Challenges of sex and faith in Christianity.

10:04 Defining sex, boundaries, and compatibility in dating.

14:50 Life’s complexities challenge rigid theological views.

19:23 Challenges self-reflection on sex and guilt.

22:03 Challenging traditional views on sex and marriage.

26:11 Challenging societal expectations of male behavior.

29:23 Mature individuals debunk old-fashioned scare tactics.

33:08 Online date led to hotel room intimacy.

34:50 Beach culture, sex, nudity, and grace vs. truth.

38:43 Wisdom and age impact importance of sex.

43:26 Expanded podcast with cohost delving into divorce recovery.

44:22 Visit toddturner.com and send your email.

Notable Quotes

“Embrace open and honest dialogue about intimacy and sex, especially in church communities, to foster understanding and support for Christians navigating post-divorce relationships.”

“Reject the oversimplification of complex issues like sexuality and marriage post-divorce; instead, pursue nuanced discussions that respect individual experiences and perspectives.”

“Challenge and critically assess the impact of “purity culture” and its teachings on your beliefs about sexuality, relationships, and self-worth.”

10 lessons from the ‘UnYoked Podcast’ Episode 17

1. “Divorcee Intimacy Dilemma”

Post-divorce Christians struggle with balancing sexual desires and maintaining biblical principles in their quest for intimacy.

2. “Masturbation Morality Debate”

Christian singles post-divorce grapple with the ethical aspects of masturbation and its acceptability within their spiritual convictions.

3. “Sex Definition Boundaries”

Redefining sexual boundaries post-divorce, exploring what constitutes sex, and its implications for Christians navigating new relationships.

4. “Marriage Consummation Views”

Discussion on traditional beliefs that marriage is solidified through sexual union rather than just the legal ceremony.

5. “Sexual Behavior Judgment”

Examining the hypocrisy within Christian communities when it comes to judging the sexual behavior of singles and divorcees.

6. “Premarital Sex Impact”

Reflecting on how premarital sexual relations can shape future relationships and influence personal convictions for Christians.

7. “Purity Culture Critique”

Critical look at how “purity culture” has negatively influenced Christian perspectives on sex, virginity, and gender roles.

8. “Balancing Grace, Truth”

Emphasis on finding a middle ground between the truth of Christian teachings and the grace needed to support each other.

9. “Healthy Sexuality Conversations”

Urges open and healthy dialogue about sexuality and intimacy in Christian circles, particularly for the young preparing for marriage.

10. “Intimacy Self-Reflection”

Insights on how personal growth and deep communication about sexuality are integral to the development of intimate relationships.

Questions Answered:

1. How does the complexity of sexual and marital issues change in the context of a broken world for Christians who are divorced?

2. In what ways could the church provide better support and guidance for divorced or widowed individuals as they navigate new relationships?

3. How should Christians define sex after divorce, and what boundaries should exist in new relationships?

4. Why might there be a lack of biblical guidance for post-marriage situations, and how can believers seek counsel in these areas?

5. What are the moral implications of masturbation for the single divorced Christian, and how does this topic fit into the broader conversation of intimacy and faith?

6. How might the purity culture within American Christianity have imparted unhealthy views on sex and intimacy for divorced Christians?

7. Can embracing a balance of grace and truth help to alleviate the guilt and moral conflict associated with sexual choices post-divorce?

8. How does the discussion regarding the commandment “don’t speak for God” affect the way Christians should talk about the consequences of sexual behavior?

9. How can young Christians prepare for marriage in a way that is informed and healthy when it comes to intimacy, given the challenges present in today’s world?

10. What are the potential consequences of having friends with benefits after a divorce, and how should a Christian navigate these complex relational dynamics?

Watch Sex and the Divorced Christian on the UnYoked Youtube Channel.

Lessons Learned:

Todd Turner of the UnYoked Podcast bravely ventures into the seldom-discussed realm of post-divorce intimacy from a Christian perspective. In Episode 16, “Intimacy and the Single Divorced Christian,” Turner dissects the thorny issues single divorcees face when navigating their sex lives. With thoughtful insight, he explores how societal expectations, Christian cultural norms, and personal beliefs often collide in the quest for understanding and moral grounding following a divorce.

The Vexing Issue of Sex and Morality: Post-Divorce Dilemma

Turner starts by revealing a stark reality: many single divorced Christians engage in sexual relationships. This acknowledgment opens the door to a discourse on morality and conviction within the framework of Christian doctrine. The complexity of sexual and marital issues becomes evident as divorced individuals grapple with lack of biblical guidance for post-marriage situations and the persistence of sexual desires.

A Critical Look at Masturbation and Moral Implications

The podcast doesn’t shy away from controversial subjects, such as masturbation, as Turner delves into its moral implications. The host unpacks the notion of whether physical pleasures outside of marriage—including self-pleasure—align with or contradict scriptural teachings.

Defining Sexual Boundaries

When discussing the bounds of sexual engagement, Turner doesn’t just pose questions; he challenges listeners to redefine sex and consider its impact on individuals and future relationships. The conversation examines traditional views and interpretations, observing that marriage, often viewed as being consummated through sex, might need a reevaluation in the context of modern Christian life.

Purity Culture and its Impact: Hypocrisy and Harmful Teachings

The host also turns a critical eye on the hypocrisy surrounding discussions of sex in Christian contexts, highlighting that purity culture has had damaging effects on understanding sex and gender roles. Turner likens some Christian teachings, especially those around sex and virginity, to the prosperity gospel’s misguided assurances.

Reshaping the Christian Sex Ed

In a call to action, Turner challenges the Christian community to move beyond fear-based edict—particularly when it comes to older Christians who are more knowledgeable about safe sex practices. He propels the conversation forward, asking for honest, open discussions and urging further research, prayer, and scriptural study.

Finding a New Paradigm: Embracing Grace and Truth

The UnYoked Podcast extends a balanced approach to post-divorce intimacy challenges—fostering a dialogue that weighs both truth and grace. Turner discusses the tendency of individuals and institutions to lean towards one end of the spectrum based on their own strengths and failings.

Recovery through Grace
Central to Turner’s message is his openness about his personal struggles with guilt and conviction regarding sex, referencing candid discussions with his counselor. By sharing these private moments, Turner humanizes the sometimes abstract theological debates and highlights the mood-altering effects of sex due to endorphins—thus broadening the understanding of sexuality.

Resources for the Journey
The podcast doesn’t leave the audience without aid; it actively suggests resources for those dealing with shame, sexuality, and relationship complexities. Turner emphasizes the significant role of professional counseling and supportive community discourse in healing and understanding one’s sexuality.

Conclusion: Creating Conversations and Building Connections

In closing, Turner invites the audience to shift the paradigm of intimacy post-divorce. By sparking a conversation filled with vulnerability, candor, and a commitment to growth, the UnYoked Podcast becomes not just a space for sharing but a community for learning.
Turner’s openness sets the stage for deep conversations and encourages listeners to self-reflect and gradually reconfigure their perceptions of intimacy in the wake of divorce. Episode 16 serves as a call to arms—and hearts—for those seeking to resonate with their faith while honoring their personal truths in the complex dance of Christian singlehood post-divorce.